I have never been able to be alone comfortably for any length of time. There was a time in my life where I sought to learn how to do this. To that end, I read May Sarton's Journal of a Solitude. (Why can't I underline in my blog?)

It seemed we had a lot in common, her being a writer and me being an aspiring writer and seeker. While the book affected me profoundly, and I reread it again and again, I never learned to be alone and like it.

I was uncomfortable being with my own thoughts. Tried therapy. Made some progress. There were times when I turned off the TV and the radio. It was almost torture, and usually ended with thoughts about a sad and somewhat horrible past being overwhelming to me. I tried writing it out, but I kept writing about the same things over and over. I was told that we will keep writing about certain things until we are done with them. Just because I wanted to be over and done with it, didn't mean it was going to happen. Became disgusted with myself and stopped writing for awhile.

While I am at times comfortable with being alone for short periods of time, that is not the case now. I dread my day off. I become listless. Who wants to spend your one day off per week doing housework and laundry, and getting groceries? It is getting harder and harder to motivate myself on my day off. And two days at home alone per week is a little scary for me. What will I do with myself? What can I do to make myself happy?

I must be slightly spoiled. I think I'm an excitement junkie. I get depressed when there's nothing special to look forward to that day. I like Mondays because we take our new puppy, Athena, for Dog's Night Out at The Dog Guy. This is the place we are taking her for training. Each Monday you can take your dog in there, and for $5 it can run and play with all the other dogs. This is a GOOD thing for an energetic young pup.

I look forward to going to garage sales on Fridays (my day off), but those will be ending soon with the coming of colder weather. I have been in this funk lately, and don't know what to do to make myself happy. I feel like a moron.